A retired schoolteacher finally decided that she was tired of living alone
and wanted some companionship, so after a good deal of thought she decided
to visit the local pet shop. The owner suggested a parrot, with which she
could conduct a civilized conversation. This seemed to be an excellent
idea, so she bought a handsome parrot, sat him on a perch in her living room,
and said, "Say 'Pretty boy.'" Silence from the bird. "Come on now, say
'Pretty boy ... pretty boy.'"
At long last, disgustedly, the bird said, "Oh, shit."
Shocked, the schoolteacher said, "Just for that, you get five minutes
in the refrigerator." Five minutes later she put the shivering bird back on
its perch and said, "Now let's hear it: 'Pretty boy ... pretty boy.'"
"Damn it, wouldja lay off, lady?" said the parrot.
Outraged, the woman grabbed the bird, said, "That's it! Ten minutes
in the freezer," and slammed the door on him.
Hopping about to keep warm, what does the parrot come across but a
big frozen turkey waiting for Thanksgiving. Startled, he squawks, "My God,
you must have told the bitch to go fuck herself!"